You Don't Know What You've Got Til Its Gone

This week's Torah portion is Korach (Numbers 16-18). In this portion there is rebellion, greed, envy, competition, bloodshed and spectacle. Sounds like a good movie! As I understand the preceeding portions, each of the tribes of Israel was given a function or job, and they lived in formation around the Mishkan, the sanctuary and ark. This was intended not only to create a civil society with rules and roles, but to place God and the Torah at the center not just figuratively, but literally as well. Korach was the of the tribe (Kohathites?) that had the special privilege of transporting the Mishkan-the Ark. Associated with this special privilege were many very specific and sometimes difficult instructions. Those who had this job had to focus entirely inward, toward the Torah, not outward toward where they were going or what was happening with them or around them. The other special privilege was given to the Aaron - the Levites - to be the priests and lead the rituals and ceremonies to do with the Mishkan. Moses was the leader of the people themselves. Korach apparently did not perceive his job as a privilege but, rather, as a burden or at least as not important enough to satisfy him. He wished to have Aaron's job as the high priest, the "big kehunah". (I never knew where that phrase came from before!). So he led a revolt, incidentally manned by 250 others who thought they were best for the same job! As a result of his envy, greed, self-righteousness and discontent not only did the 250 die but thousands of others as well. It is hard, in today's world, to find gratitude for one's "place". Often the place we are in is not where we wish to be. With jobs scarce and money scarcer, many are in a terrifically difficult and dissatisfied place. When we are dissatisfied, when we are envious of what others have, instead of happy for them, we are generally likely to act in destructive ways; as Korach did. When we are grateful for what we have, whatever that is, life is much easier to take and we are far less likely to behave in self-obsessed or destructive ways. When we see our lives as a privilege rather than a burden, it is so much easier to find the joy of life. I have the privilege of having a job today, much as many don't; I have the privilege of raising my child today (as trying as that may seem occasionally); I have the privilege of a relationship with my father for all its attendant difficulties; I have the privilege of a marriage that has lasted almost twenty years through good and bad; I have a home and food to eat. These simple things are to be cherished, they are things to be grateful for. Often you hear people speak only of how these things are not enough, not as good as someone else's, simply things to burden them. Each of us on Shabbat should take a moment to count our blessings, whatever they may be, because for all the hardship life has to offer, there are always blessings to be counted if we take the time. If only the blessing of the very breath we draw; you don't know what you've got til its gone. Shabbat Shalom.

Sh'lach L'cha - The Frailty of Faith

I am back on the grid and happy to be writing for this coming Shabbat; which can't come soon enough for me. In this wonderful Torah portion (Numbers 13-15 roughly) G-d gives the land of Israel to the people. There are so many wonderful commentaries on this portion that I got lost in reading them. I am sure that I will duplicate the ideas of other here because I can't see much that hasn't been written on this portion, it offers so much to think about. This portion is about gifts and about betrayal, weakness and, ultimately, faith. The literal happenstance is that spies are sent out to Israel to see if the gift is worth having. Of the twelve spies, ten come back saying it will be too hard, the people are too strong and too big and cannot be overcome; just two say that the land is worth the fight. As a result, although G-d forgives the people, the people are punished and exiled to wander the desert for 40 years before entering the land. So, there is the gift, and the relationship that comes with it; and there is the free will to reject the gift which is itself another gift. In this portion the people abuse both gifts. Think of all the miracles G-d has wrought in the Torah prior to this event; think of all the people have been through and survived! Yet they did not have the faith to believe that once again they would be alright. So fear, spiritual or emotional fear, lives in the place where faith should be. In one commentary I read it supposes that the spies wanted to stay in the desert for there they could simply depend on G-d for everything (so they had enought faith for this?) and not work at building the land or fulfilling the agricultural/work mitzvot that can only be accomplished in the land of Israel. Laziness? Or just fear? We too often fail to see our part, our "footwork" and where that diverges from the greater plan and therefore fail to give to G-d what we cannot do or understand. We humans have our part, and we have our free will, but without faith we are rootless. We are, like the Israelites of old, cut off from our relationship with G-d. Gifts create a relationship between the giver and the receiver; to give casually and without thought is to offend the receiver, and to scorn them is to insult the giver. We should give with sensitivity and receive with grace. We continue, like those Israelites, to struggle with the gift of faith. We often fail to receive the gift with grace, we are imperfect in our faith. Our faith is fragile and often transitory, needing to be revisited and rebuilt constantly. This is the wonder of Shabbat. The gift of faith is the gift of a meaningful life, much greater than the gift of life itself. On Shabbat we have the opportunity, weekly, to revisit and rebuild our faith, our relationship with G-d and the meaning in our lives. Shabbat Shalom.

Off the Grid

So...I have been off the grid in the wilds of the New England hills. The good news is that my mom is going to be fine and her sojourn in the eastern part of the state (Boston to be exact) meant a good diagnosis and they have determined that she has not been having strokes but some other non-life-threatening neurological incidents. We had a wonderful visit although not restful. Little tv, very little internet, not much phone. Reading, eating and taking care of everyone (as per usual). It rained the whole time but the cool air felt wonderful. Anyway this is a short note. As you all can see perfectly well I missed another shabbat. The good news is that I didn't really miss shabbat. It is always shabbat whether I write something or not, whether I go to temple or not, whether I light the candles or not. That is the beauty of shabbat, it happens in spite of me, or any of us. I am so happy to be that unimportant. At any rate, I am happy to be home and happy to be back on the grid. I hope to invite other authors to this blog. If you wish to be an author, rather than a "commenter". Please e-mail me or "comment" me or facebook me. I will send an "invite" to you via e-mail and you will be able to post your very own dvar torah here. Then it won't matter so much if I "miss" shabbat.

G-d Will Understand

Tonight my mom had a stroke in the vast wilderness of the Berkshires in Western Massachusetts. They are flying her to Boston tonight. She seems alright, but it is scary. At any rate, my upcoming vacation to visit her next week may move up fast to tomorrow. I had my Midrash for tomorrow about half done but its not all done and I pretty much can't focus so... Unless I get a guest writer for tomorrow, there may be no Midrash this week. I invite you all to send me a comment with your "author" name and your e-mail so I can give permission for your Midrash to be published here. What is most important about this week's portion, Naso 2 as it were, is that it contains the "priestly benediction". I am not a "priest" but I will leave you with it nevertheless. "May G-d bless and keep you; May G-d make his countenance to shine upon you; May G-d lift up his countenance upon you and give you the gift of Shalom, of peace." There are lots of translations, and there is a blessing that precedes it (we have to bless everything; orthodox children have Baruch Bees to learn all the blessings!) G-d will understand that I am not a priest and that there is no Midrash from me this week. I will take the Shalom and run!

Letting G-d In

I was so excited to have four followers I almost fell off my chair. I love writing Midrash and I felt that I did not do my best this Friday, but sometimes life intrudes. My dad, who is kind of losing it and lives with us now, decided to cook for me. It was a simple dinner, but it takes him a long time. I really wanted to go to Temple Friday, but I couldn't leave and dinner wasn't ready. And so we celebrated the Sabbath the way Jews always did before there was Friday Temple. Around our dinner table, candles lit, a little bread and wine; in our case Matzo and grape juice because I hadn't prepared for this. My son's very teenage friends sat in. They had started asking questions about Judaism. My son seemed a little embarrassed by this. When I explained the Shabbat rituals one of them piped up and said "can we light the candles" (he was a little upset when I told him he couldn't light them, that was my job as the woman and mother). I am sorry to say we have always been pretty faithful about the candles but as our son is home less and less and we are pulled every which way, we have slacked off. It was lovely to settle into the familiar ritual, I forget sometimes how much pleasure it gives me. Even the embarrassed teenaged son raised his glass and led us in the prayer for the wine, long his part. I am not the old fashioned Jewish mama. I am a career woman. On Fridays my home is not gleaming and there is no special dinner cooked. Often the best I can manage is a pizza. But in the sacred candlelight nobody can see the dust in the corners and nobody cares what we eat. For that brief hour, we invited G-d into our home to sit with us at the dinner table and share what we believe with children who have no spiritual life. Perhaps that will one day inspire them to invite G-d into their own lives. My son will be gone so soon, I hope he will remember the shabbat lights and all the Friday nights, I hope he will honor them in his own home, will seek and find them as he travels the road from our home to his.